My own personal journey

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Around 12 years ago I was depressed after a failed marriage and fell into drinking to cope with the issues of feelings and thoughts that I had. Obviously, this gave rise to negative behaviours. At the time I felt I had no one to talk with: Work was all time consuming often 6 days a week, not seeing my son due to my ex-wife being really difficult and unfair and not having the money to go to court. Also understanding that the workplace was having a major impact on my mental state.

I have to say initial changes occurred once I met my current wife. We had been speaking for ages on line as this was my only way of meeting new people as most of my old friends were either in Portsmouth or had been friends with my ex wife. We finally met after a few months talking. I hid things such as the drinking and not eating properly, but the closer she got, the more she could see the cracks. Being a teacher of children with ADHD and Autism, she began to see signs when things were being hidden or even worse, depression kicked in because "no one understood where I was".

My wife instead of leaving, taught me some coping strategies. I won't say what they were, but I will say they worked on making me less depressed and happier to be in my own body. There is nothing worse than feeling as though you are not worth someone's time or help. I really do understand where depression can lead to suicide. I was lucky that I never got that bad, my crutch was alcohol and learning to be by myself a few nights a week and not needing to drink was difficult. However I managed to replace alcohol with the gym and moved into a house after spending 6 months in a hotel because I couldn't afford a security deposit. Rachel helped with that too! 

In fact Rachel had helped me so much, not by giving me things but saying, you tell me what you need and I will help you get it, but you will pay for it, either after saving or by giving me a one month loan without the hassle of paying fees etc.

So when I say Rachel is my soul mate, I really do believe that. She has always been supportive and since we have been married, I have been able to give her the same support, through her work when she needs help, through ensuring she is able to come home to a clean house and food. Not only that, when she has problems, I can listen without judgement, without opinion unless asked and also just for that reassurance.

Once we moved to Dubai, I struggled to find work which made me see and realise the same patterns of depression I had seen before in myself so when my wife asked for help by bringing quality English speakers into a British curriculum school, I jumped at the chance. 

We became learning mentors, not only to those children that needed support but also those that had behaviour issues. I worked with a lot of children that didn't understand action and consequences. 

I no longer wanted to be in the construction industry, I wanted to help people wherever I could. I started helping out in schools by providing learning support. 

During this time, I had family and friends commit suicide because literally they felt that they had no one to talk to, they couldn't see a way out. Most of my newer friends always thought although I have a razor sharp wit, I had a heart of gold and would often try to help people when I saw they were having a bad day.

Around 7 years ago, I decided I would learn more about the mind, and how I can help others overcome depressive and anxious thoughts and help see that we can allow them to happen but also ensure that the negative behaviours do not follow.

I have been coaching privately for nearly 6 years and been very successful in helping them. I also have several new clients which are mainly men. The good thing about this is that the word is getting out that being depressed or having Anxiety attacks don't happen to just women, we no longer have to man up but can seek the best help possible. 

Over covid and the aftermath, I also turned my attention to workplace wellbeing and positive psychology (the science of wellbeing). Understanding that we cannot separate work and home life, wanting to bring a better balance not only to myself but helping organisations understand the risk of not having wellbeing action plans which can improve and align organisational and employee engagement and productivity.

I have recently completed my Mental Health First Aid instructor and teaching qualifications. The reason behind this is simply I am one person and the more people we can have supporting others, the more people we can support.

A few years ago I realised that staff turnover was increasing and employee engagement was just a word for more organisations. Fortunately that has improved with more and more wellbeing "experts" coming in, who have read the manuals, done the courses and have their own EAP's to support staff. I found my niche as I simply bring in knowledge from working with those employees on a personal level and also working with large companies such as the GCAA, MBRSC on leadership and retention of employees.